a not so Hallmark Thank you

There have been way too many times in my life that I have fallen back on the irreverent words of the Grateful Dead, “What a long strange trip it’s been.” The mere recanting of these words not only demonstrates a moment of personal inventory, but also acknowledges one’s own faults and mortality. The process of divorce begs for validation of life’s journey and the rationalization that it is truly a long and strange trip.

I am mostly happy and sometimes sad to be coming to the end of this section of my trip. Eleven years of marriage produced many handfuls of incidental smiles but even the broadest, most ear to ear grin will eventually relax to an unassuming expression. What does not fade are the byproducts of such years, namely my children. So, that by itself makes it ok.

Another odd result of this life’s difficult section is the fateful blessings of friendships formed and reformed. I have amassed more love in 4 months from virtual ghosts of my past than the eleven years of the marriage which I thought was worth the troubles. I hear the paraphrased words of Anne Frank resonating when I confidently say that in spite of everything, people are basically good.
What would compel someone to fly 1100 miles just to be there while the dust settled during the starting days of the vicious post nuptial process? Why would someone, in spite of their own health and personal issues constantly seek conversation and support at all hours of the night? And why am I constantly reminded to not shut down, become reclusive and reach out with no fear of judgment, just nurturing chat?
I am not sure of any of those answers. What I am sure of is it all came when I needed it most and I am pretty damn fortunate. Someone once told me that I cannot count on people, especially those who live far away and have not been close to me throughout my life. That person was very wrong. Maybe I am naïve, but it has been those people that has given me the will and reminded me of the personal power I hold and for that I am thankful.

I am bad at asking for help and worse at saying thank you. I am an incurable cynic that has been humbled in the most profound way. So, I say to my FRIENDS, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Whether we continue our bonds in the years to come I do not know, but the mark you have left on me is deeper and brighter than a new tattoo.

Thank you and know that you are loved the way that you have loved.